Attachment
by Spnchick09
Summary: She hadn't seen him in years. He came into the hospital, needing surgery for a brain tumor. She formed an attachment even though she knew better, and a single tone changes her life. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own 7th Heaven, nor do I own anything affiliated with it in any way, shape, or form.

**Author's Note: **Just a random scene that popped into my head. Knowing me, though, it'll grow to be longer than it played out originally. (And it has.)

* * *

The hospital was enormous. She could hardly take all of it in. It had walls of complete glass, with doctors, patients, and families spinning off in each direction.

She would be serving as a neurosurgical intern for the next few months. Here, she hoped, would be her place of work after her internship and final testing requirements were made. She'd left Glenoak and headed to Los Angeles, attending college and striving for a career path of neurology.

She walked with Katharine, smiling to herself at her place of work. The two had been paired up for numerous things through grade school, and this was another part of their lives that they'd experience together.

"It's gigantic!" Katharine exclaimed.

Ruthie laughed. "Yeah, it is."

"Alright, interns. You'll be assigned to an individual surgeon, specialized in the type of surgery you're most interested in."

Ruthie blocked the rest of Dr. Lewis' information out, and looked over to a man in a wheelchair. He was being pushed towards the neurological wing of the hospital. He looked familiar, and she gasped aloud when she realized who it was.

"Martin?"

_He finished packing his last box, ready to move from his dad's house to his college dorm._

_"I'm sad to see you go," Ruthie said._

_Martin sighed. "Yeah, I hate leaving here. But this way, I'll be closer to Aaron. Besides, driving two hours to college would be way too stressful."_

_Ruthie smiled. "True. It just sucks."_

_He chuckled to himself, noticing her sad smile. "Come here," he ushered, holding her arms out._

_She obliged, tucking herself into the warm curves of his body. She could feel him stroking her back, and felt him sigh against her. She smiled to herself, before pulling away slowly._

_He looked into her eyes, smiling down at her. "I love you."_

_"I love you, too," she replied, knowing in her heart that he didn't mean it the same way._

_The room became uncomfortably silent, and Ruthie forced herself to speak up. "We'd ought to go down there," she suggested._

_"Uh, yeah. I don't want to keep the movers waiting," he nodded, running a hand through his hair._

_"Okay. I have to go ask my mom...something," she stammered, walking out of the room quickly._

That was the last time they'd talked. It had been almost ten years since she'd seen him. Now, he was in a hospital bed in front of her.

"What're you doing here?" he'd asked when she appeared in the doorway.

"I'm the intern that's going to be helping Dr. Hoskins. Why are you here?" she asked, noticing that his hair seemed thinner.

"Brain tumor," he nonchalantly replied.

"You serious?" she asked, lowering her clipboard to her side.

Martin nodded. "Yep. Hopefully, Dr. Hoskins will be able to do something. Otherwise, I'm out of here."

Ruthie felt her body ice over. "Out of here, how?"

"I'll die. It's crushing my brain stem," he explained.

She shook her head, letting out a suppressed laugh. "That's it?"

He shrugged. "That's it."

"You talk about it like it's nothing."

"I've just learned to accept it," he replied.

"Are you sure you're okay with it? I mean, it's deadly..." she rambled.

"Can we please not talk about this? I haven't seen you in ten years. I want to catch up, not talk about my tumor."

Ruthie smiled. "Sure. What've you been up to?"

"Well, I played college baseball. I was offered a spot in the major leagues, but I couldn't take it because of my health. Then, I found out I had a brain tumor, and went through chemo for two years, all that good stuff," he chuckled. "I flew out here because I heard Hoskins was the best, and that's what I need. Everyone else has told me I don't have a chance."

"How's Aaron?" she asked.

"He's fine. He's turning 11 in a few months. He's playing baseball," Martin grinned.

"You got him into it, didn't you?" she asked, sitting at the foot of his bed.

"Maybe."

Ruthie laughed, watching his facial expression turn from happiness to a faraway look.

"What?" she asked.

"You remember the last time I saw you? When I told you I loved you?"

She nodded.

"I meant that."

"I know you did. I love you, too."

Martin cocked his head. "Are you sure you know how I meant it?" he asked.

Ruthie nodded. "Yeah. You and I were friends for years. We both had a platonic love for one another."

"Ruth..."

"Dr. Camden."

Ruthie turned to see Dr. Hoskins in the doorway. "Yes, ma'am?" Ruthie answered.

"I want youin the E.R. now. You need to get a feel for it."

Ruthie nodded. "Okay. I'll talk to you later, Martin."

"You two know each other?" Dr. Hoskins asked.

"Old friends," Martin replied.

"Ruthie, you need to go scrub up," Dr. Hoskins repeated, seemingly agitated.

"I'm going," Ruthie replied, leaving the room.

_Her breaths shortened, and she felt herself begin hyperventilating. The drone of the single tone from his heart monitor filled her ears, and she felt sick to her stomach. She could hear the doctors muttering something about his time of death, and she couldn't take it. Running from the E.R., she ran through the hallways of the surgical wing, tears flowing from her eyes. He was gone, dead. Her heart ached with pain, and she felt her head clogging with memories and emotions she couldn't control. He'd passed away._

She awoke with a start, a cold sweat matting her hair to her forehead. It took her a minute to figure out where she was, and she let out a sigh of relief when she realized she was in her bed.

The clock showed 12:19, and she chuckled to herself. Her day would begin in five hours, and she'd only been asleep for three. She sighed, realizing that her life as a surgeon would only get more stressful and complicated, and lack even more sleep.

Lying back down, she closed her eyes and once again submitted herself to sleep.

* * *

"Did you hear what happened to that Brewer guy?"

Ruthie was in the locker room of the hospital, changing into her blue scrubs and getting ready to start her day. She heard a couple of interns talking, and listened intently when they mentioned Martin.

"No, what happened?" she heard the other ask.

"Apparently, his brain tumor is growing. Dr. Hoskins said they're going to have to go into surgery soon if he wants a chance at life."

Ruthie shut her locker quickly, jogging down to Martin's room. As she ran, she pulled her hair back into a bun, dodging a nurse with a food cart. Once she'd approached his room, she slowed her pace and walked inside.

"Good morning," he greeted, smiling.

"Morning. How are you?"

"My brain tumor's growing. Great stuff, huh?" he said dryly.

Ruthie nodded. "I heard about that. How are you feeling?"

He shrugged. "I don't feel all that different. I'm glad you're here, though. I wanted to talk with you. You have time?"

Ruthie chuckled. "I can't ever answer that question. I don't even know the answer to it."

Martin smiled, watching her sit at the foot of his bed as she had for the pastfive weeks. "Shoot."

"Okay," he replied. "When I told you I loved you, I meant it," he said blatantly.

Ruthie smiled. "I know you did."

Martin shook his head. "You don't get it, Ruthie. I meant it. I love you."

Ruthie's smile faded. "You mean..."

"Yeah," he replied, smiling. "I really do love you."

She sighed, covering her face with her hands. "Martin..."

"What?" he asked, his smile disappearing.

She raised her head to look at him, her eyes barely moistening. "We can't do this," she whispered.

"Do what?" he asked.

"You're my patient, Martin. I can't have a relationship with a patient."

He nodded. "Okay. Can you have a relationship with a man, then?" he asked.

She cocked her head, closing her eyes and biting her lip. "Martin, you know what I mean."

"Is this just a way to tell me that you don't love me anymore?"

"No," she replied. "I still love you. I just...we can't, Martin."

He nodded, reaching for her hand. "So, after the surgery, when I get out of here, can we be together?" he asked.

She smiled. "I'll hardly be around."

"Why's that?" he asked.

"I'm a neurosurgical intern. I'm hardly at home. When I am home, I'm sleeping."

"Then I'll have to figure out a way to be there all the time, won't I?" he chuckled.

_"He's crashing!"_

_"Charge to 300!" someone yelled._

_"Clear!"_

_His body jolted upwards, and she watched in horror as his heart monitor remained a flat line. Two more attempts were made to revive him, and the surgical team slowly pulled away._

_"Time of death..."_

He'd been put in a fresh gown, and given some medication to keep his worrying to a minimum. He watched her read over the chart, writing something down with her right hand and clicking the pen, sliding it into her front pocket.

"You ready?" she asked.

Martin nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be. Can you describe the procedure again?" he asked nervously.

"You'll be put under anesthesia, obviously. Once you're out, they're going to cut into your scalp, and pull back part of your skull. Dr. Hoskins will begin the operation, remove as much of the tumor as they can get, and then they'll replace your skull, sew you up, and take you to the recovery wing."

He nodded, letting out a breath. "Sounds so easy."

She grinned. "It's a lot easier to describe than it is to do."

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"If I die, will you tell Aaron that I love him? I mean, I told him this morning when he got here, but..."

She was taken aback by the question, and shook her head quickly. "Uh, yeah. But you'll be fine, don't worry about it."

"I know. There's still that possibility, though, you know?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I don't really want to talk about that," she confessed.

He offered a sympathetic smile. "Sorry."

* * *

"Okay, surgeons, today's a great day to remove a tumor."

Light chuckles were heard around the room as Dr. Hoskins began the surgery. Ruthie looked on, helping when asked, and watched carefully as Martin was operated on. His skull was carefully pulled back, and Ruthie marveled at the organ within it.

The surgery was going well. Dr. Hoskins carefully prepared to remove the tumor from his brain, while she examined how close it actually was to his brain stem.

"He's crashing!" someone yelled.

Ruthie's head shot up to his monitors, and saw that Martin was, in fact, falling. After ten seconds of frantic movement, one long and single tone filled the room.

"Uh, get me three units..." Dr. Hoskins called, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.

Ruthie watched on in horror as measures were taken to keep Martin alive. She watched as he was given CPR, and heard the charges whirring in the room.

"Clear!" Dr. Hoskins yelled, sending surges through his body. Martin jolted upwards, the single line remaining on the screen. Ruthie's right hand slowly rose to her mouth, as time seemed to stop. Martin was dying.

* * *

"Help him!" she screamed.

She was almost ignored, the doctors scurrying around the room. He'd only been flat-lining for two minutes, but it was an eternity for Ruthie.

"Do something!" she yelled, tears filling her eyes.

"Camden, we're trying! If you don't quit yelling in my E.R., I will have you removed!" Hoskins threatened, not taking her eyes away from Martin.

Ruthie slid back against a wall behind her, rocking back and forth as she held her ears, desperately trying to rid the noise of a single tone. She watched on in horror as the doctors stepped away from him.

"Time of death..."

He was gone.

_"Out of here, how?"_

_"I'll die. It's crushing my brain stem," he explained._

_She shook her head, letting out a suppressed laugh. "That's it?"_

_He shrugged. "That's it."_

Ruthie pushed past nurses and doctors in the hallway, sobbing uncontrollably as she ran for the locker room.The small amount of makeup she'd put on that daywas gone, her hair had fallen from the bun she'd placed on top of her head and was poking out of her cap, and her face was both stained and moistened by tears. She threw off her mask and cap, not bothering to see where they landed. She found the doorway to the room, pushing open the door and falling to the ground.

Sobs wracked through her body, her shoulders repeatedly rising and falling without rhythm. She was lying on her stomach, her arms above her head, as her palms slapped the cold tile underneath her.

She heard the door shut behind her, and she sat up quickly. Katharine was standing in front of her, and she slowly sat down beside her.

"What happened?"

Ruthie's tears continued to fall, and she pushed her hair away from her face.

"Martin died."

Katharine sat back against the wall behind her, watching as Ruthie continued to sob. She pulled Ruthie into a friendly hug, sighing and resting her head on Ruthie's.

"You know better," Katharine said quietly.

"What?" Ruthie mumbled.

"You and I both know that forming an attachment with a patient..."

"Shouldn't happen. I know," she replied, rolling her bloodshot eyes. "I don't care. I formed an attachment with him a long time ago."

Katharine gave her friend a sympathetic look. "Ruthie..."

"Don't 'Ruthie' me. I love him," she said quietly, her throat clogging from her tears.

"Loved..." Katharine corrected solemnly.

"Shut up."

"Does he have family in the waiting room?"

Ruthie's tears stopped for a moment. "I don't want to do this," she whispered.

_"If I die, will you tell Aaron that I love him?"_

His request flashed through her mind once more as she made her way to the waiting room. She stopped before the doorway, looking into the small glass window at the people inside.

She immediately found Sandy and Aaron, along with Martin's father, sitting together. Aaron was reading an edition of Sports Illustrated, Martin's father was reading what appeared to be a lengthy novel, and Sandy was knitting.

Ruthie wasn't sure how she'd break the news. Honestly, she hadn't even been asked to tell them. However, she was already close to them, so telling them would be more heartfelt from her than from Dr. Hoskins. Taking a deep breath and praying softly, she pushed open the door and stepped into the room.

Sandy was the first to look up, and she smiled. "Is the surgery over?"

Ruthie was silent, weakly smiling before giving a small nod. "Yes, it is."

Martin's father noticed her actions, and lowered the book into his lap. "Is everything alright?"

Ruthie felt her composure slipping through her fingers, and sighed. "Martin...Martin didn't make it."

Sandy's grin disappeared, her knitting falling to the ground. Martin's father lost all color in his face, removing his reading glasses as he closed his eyes. Aaron was quiet, trying to comprehend the fact that his father was dead.

"How...how..." Sandy stammered.

Ruthie sheepishly shrugged. "I ran out of the O.R. I don't know what happened exactly. When Dr. Hoskins comes, she'll be able to tell you that."

Sandy slowly nodded, allowing a tear to fall down her cheek. "I thought he was going to be okay."

"I did, too," Ruthie agreed.

"I think we all did," Martin's father said quietly.

"Hey, Aaron," Ruthie greeted.

Aaron's empty eyes stared back at her. "Hi."

"Your dad wanted me to tell you that he loves you."

Aaron's eyes lit up. "You know my dad?"

Ruthie offered a weak smile. "Yeah, I've known him since I was a teenager."

Aaron cocked his head, asking, "Are you Ruthie?"

Ruthie chuckled, wiping away a tear. "Yeah, I am."

"My dad talked about you a lot. He says...saidhe loved you."

"I loved your dad, too," she replied.

"Aaron, let's go get you a drink," Martin's father spoke up.

Sandy muttered a silent "Thank you" toBillas Aaron was walked out of the waiting room.

"He really loved his dad, didn't he?" Ruthie asked.

"Yeah, he did. Martin and Aaron really became attached when Aaron became interested in baseball," she chuckled.

"Yeah, I can imagine," Ruthie agreed.

"Are you okay?" Sandy asked.

Ruthie sighed. "I will be. I loved him, and he loved me. I can't really ask for anything else, you know?"

Sandy grinned. "Yeah. We'll get through it. We're all pretty tough," she chuckled.

Ruthie smiled, looking down at her watch. "I've got to head back," Ruthie said, standing and walking for the door.

"Hey, Ruthie. Can we go out for lunch or something?"

Ruthie gave a small smile. "Yeah, I'll see if I have some time off this week."

"Okay. I'll talk to you later, then."

She nodded. "Bye, Sandy."

Ruthie walked out of the room, a smile appearing on her face.

_"Then I'll have to figure out a way to be there all the time, won't I?" he chuckled._

"You figured that out, didn't you?" she grinned, looking up. His face appeared before her, and she grinned.

"I love you," she whispered, heading back towards the locker room.


End file.
